Round 1 - Hawthorn v Collingwood

MCG Friday 30 March 2012

Hawthorn...Heaven Sent

The midweek funeral for Jim Stynes served as a proxy promotion for the new footy season, with the exception that the emotion it engendered was genuine and heartfelt, not the faux auto-cued drama that usually characterise AFL promotions.  The sombre, respectful feeling occasioned by Jim Stynes’ death added a welcome air of restraint to the usual hyperbolic, pumped-up pre-season promos.

The arrest two days later of Ben Cousins for possession of meth-amphetamines threw into sharp focus the contrast of these football identities. On the one hand, Gentlemen Jim, who had to work to learn the game and who devoted himself to improving the lives of others and his club, and on the other, brash, bad Benny, whose lifestyle is a hymn to self-indulgence.  It was Cousins though who had the more celebrated on field career.

Of course Jim Stynes’ many achievements were well-documented, or at least extensively documented. If you collected all of the articles about Stynes in the days following his death, you’d have a volume roughly the size of ‘Ulysses’, though one marginally more intelligible. Hawk fans, however, have special reason to celebrate Jim, not for his many achievements, but for one infamous mistake. When he ran across Gary Buckenara’s mark in the final second of the 1987 Preliminary final, the resulting penalty brought Bucky 15 crucial metres closer to goal and a difficult long shot became an achievable 35 metre kick, which Bucky duly slotted, sending the Hawks through the Grand Final, Jimmy Stynes into folklore and one of my Hawthorn buddies into an involuntary toilet episode.

So at Hawthorn, we know a little about Preliminary final pain; both inflicting it and receiving it. Conventional wisdom had it that Hawthorn needed to win this round one clash to erase the pain of 2011’s heartbreaking Preliminary Final loss to Collingwood. Quite how this resonated with Collingwood is hard to say, for they had their own, perhaps even greater disappointment to atone for. After all, they lost the Grand Final – we didn’t even make it. But of course, everyone likes their own hurt or misfortune to be seen as the greater – it’s pain envy.

This extended to the line-ups, with much being made of Collingwood missing Tarrant, Maxwell, Krackouer, Brown, Didak, Beams and Johnson, while at Hawthorn we just know that our loss of Hodge, Roughead and Bailey was the greater – in effectiveness if not numbers.  

1^st quarter

A tight, intense opening quarter produced several highlights – most of them Collingwood misses – but also a nice long goal from Birchall, our first for the season. The quarter ended in a sort of ménage-a-trois in the pocket with Heath Shaw and another Collingwood player grappling with Michael Osborne and tearing his jumper in a gesture of impatient lust reminiscent of a period bodice ripper or bad porn.  Understandable perhaps if it was Gibbo, but Ossie?

2^nd quarter

The sexual frisson out of the way, the game turned from a gritty battle to a free-wheeling goal glut with both teams streaming through the middle of the ground to deliver the ball forward. Normally I’m not one to see the good in anything Collingwood, but Pendlebury was playing a fantastic game. Happily for the Hawks, his effectiveness was matched by Sam Mitchell. And while Ben Reid had held Buddy well early, the big 23 gradually began to get involved. When he received a generous free kick in the pocket, he duly slotted his first from a tight angle and followed it up with a classic running goal, drying up the ‘where’s Buddy’ gibes from nearby Collingwood fans.

As is often the case when things need livening up, it was Cyril who made it happen with some audacious shimmying moves that wouldn’t be out of place at a bossa nova competition, all of them resulting in goals to him or a team mate.  But it was his spectacular mark over Heath Shaw that brought the biggest roar. Of course at precisely the moment Cyril launched himself onto Shaw’s shoulders to pluck the ball out of the sky, I bent over my bag to conduct an inventory of Fantales and quickly calculate the number of Fantales left in the packet and number of children in the party. Seeing the mark replayed repeatedly just isn’t the same.

When Lewis strolled in and kicked a goal just before the siren, we’d somehow managed eight for the quarter and held a 15 point lead. Despite this, it was appropriate that the half-time entertainment was provided by Even, whose nomenclature aptly described the contest, and who finished with an energetic version of Elvis Costello’s Pump It Up to accurately augur the second half.

3^rd quarter

Pendlebury continued his sparkling form kicking an early goal in the third, but then a series of brilliant Hawk goals: Lewis from the boundary line, Burgoyne from the centre square and Whitecross from a sharp snap, got us out to a five goal lead. This is a margin that usually signals an opposition revival, and sure enough, a mad rush of Collingwood goals followed. At times it feels like Hawthorn can be more vulnerable five goals up than five points behind. We were only six points up at the final break, giving rise to an all too familiar anxiety of being overrun by Collingwood. And I didn’t even have any Fantales left to help get me through.

4^th quarter

Buddy opened the final quarter with a trademark brilliant goal from the boundary after slaloming around a couple of defenders, then turning to the crowd to allow us to give due acknowledgment of his fabulousness.  A shot of Buckley in the box showed him applauding involuntarily, and while this was a nice touch, the goal really warranted a standing ovation. Poor manners Bucks.

But just as we were settling in to prepare for victory, Collingwood duly slammed through three in a row; Dale Thomas’ grubbed goal giving them the lead and setting up the familiar “Colllliinngggwoooood” chant. Though it’s really more of a drone, like an air raid siren played at the wrong speed.

When Buddy missed two set shots our worst dread was beginning to be realised and the Collingwood crowd’s Buddy gibes recommenced. Still there was the suspicion that they’d gone too early with the gibes and the Colllliinngggwoooood drone, and when Savage restored our lead and the rest of the match went by in a happy blur of brown ‘n gold goals to Buddy, Osborne and Gunston, the taunting was our prerogative.

Now I want to make it clear that I’m not proud of myself – after all I had children with me. So when Sam Reid duffed a kick out that new boy Jack ‘The Gun’ Gunston, converted from the boundary, I shouldn’t have stood and mocked the Colllliinngggwoooood chant, or waved farewell to the departing stream of Magpie fans. No, I’m not proud of myself. I really should have shown more maturity, but God it was fun.

Of course as our lead built we realised how uncomfortably close we were to the Collingwood crowd. Several of them were less than pleased with the turn of events, but rather than direct their blame at Buddy, Bucks, Ballieu, bad luck, blind justice or just circumstance, they made threatening gestures to Hawk fans sitting in the members  – straining and ranting like pit bulls in scarves.

Happily the Hawthorn song soon drowned them out.

The usual players were the best, but I was most impressed by McCauley for his strong mark and goal, and for bringing a bit of blonde back to Hawthorn, and with Boumann who showed strong dash and was making his own hair statement.

A great beginning. In a week where football farewelled one of its greats, we at least got to welcome in a new season and inflict Collingwood’s first loss.


Final scores: Hawthorn 20 17 137 d Collingwood 16 19 115

Buddy goal count: 5

Favourite Buddy goal: early final quarter, takes possession on boundary, feints to left, slides past Reid on right, slots it from boundary.

We loved: Schoenmakers for persisting in the face of hopeless task - Cloke only kicked 2.
And the woman in the MCC section wearing a tight (Hawthorn) gold evening gown - obviously going straight to Boutique after the match.

Ball Up

It is a truth universally acknowledged among football pundits that Hawthorn will win this year's AFL premiership. This proposition is based on data such as the average age of our playing list compared to other recent premiership winning teams, the relative mix of youth and experience, the return from injury of key players, the presence of star players Buddy Franklin and Cyril Rioli, the continued maturation of 2011's debutants and the hurt felt from last year's devastating and narrow Preliminary final loss.

All reasonable tea-leaf signs of course, but many Hawk fans are certain of premiership glory on altogether more sturdy empirical grounds: it's an Olympic/leap year, just like our last flag in 2008, the New York Giants won the Superbowl, just as they did in 08, Barack Obama is up for election, where he'll no doubt emulate his success of 08, Buddy is single again, and well, hopefully he'll kick bags of goals. Really, so long as someone else can knock Geelong out, we're half a chance.

Faced with this impending triumph, I thought I'd set up a blog to track our progress through the season and review each game as I experience it. This may be from the ground, watching tv, listening on radio, getting score updates online or just crank calls from opposition fans.

You could argue there is already an oversupply of uncalled for commentary and unsolicited speculation about football. And you'd be right. But while there are more than enough outlets from which to get stats about kicks, corkies, handballs and hard-ball gets, this blog aims to give expression to the season from the fans' perspective, to give voice to the exhileration and exasperation, the anxiety and excitement that your average Hawk enthusiast will go through during the season. Plus a bit of Buddy love of course.

And while I can't promise a happy ending, we can at least try to ride the bumps with a grin. Though that may depend on how you're seated.

So the first official match of the year has been played between Sydney and GWS, but the real season gets underway next Friday night and I'll be on hand, or at least in the bar depending how things are going....