Flappy Birds
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| Flappy bird with cup |
We also return as a version of last season’s Twenty3 blog entries are buffed, refurbished and collected in a volume called ‘High on Hawthorn: the road to the 2013 premiership’ to be published next week by Nero. You’ll find it in bookstores with a distinctive brown and gold striped cover. It’s also available on e-book and is currently ranked 207,371 in the Kindle store.
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So while Hawthorn is going for back-to-back in 2014, Twenty3 is also going for the sequel. It’s a common complaint that movie sequels are never as good as the original, but if the Hawks get up again in 2014, the sequel will, by definition, be every bit as good as the original. And with books, some sequels even improve on the original – Harry Potter for instance. Young Harry is a good case in point actually because as you’ll have noticed, he wears a brown and gold Hawthorn scarf. And if he’s any sort of omen, remember there are seven books in the series – that’s a septet of flags!Okay, so we might be getting ahead of ourselves, but summer did bring with it a few key omens that indicate the Hawks remain in the ascendant. In the USA, the Hawks also reign with the Chicago Blackhawks winning the 2013 Stanley Cup in the National Ice Hockey League and the Seattle Seahawks – we’ll just call them both the Hawks – defeating the Denver Broncos in New Jersey to win Superbowl XLVIII. Even the half-time margin of 22 points was eerily similar to Hawthorn’s half-time lead in the Grand Final against Fremantle which was, of course 23 points. As in the AFL Grand Final, the Superbowl was effectively over by that stage, a point highlighted by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers when they played ‘Give it Away’ during the half-time show, presumably a pointed comment to the Broncos.
Also over summer a game for smart phones and tablets called ‘Flappy Bird’ took the world by storm. In fact it became so successful and addictive that its developer, Dong Nguyen took it off line so he could regain his peace. The game requires the player to tap the screen of their phone to keep a hawk-like bird aloft and to steer it between the gaps of a series of unevenly spaced perpendicular pipes – that look not unlike goal posts in fact. You score one point for each gap you get through and if the bird so much as brushes a pipe, it crashes to the ground. It is a simple enough concept, but devilishly difficult to play. Comparing top scores became a matter of pride among players, with anyone reporting a score above 50 being thought of as highly suspect. My own top score, spookily enough, is 11 – the exact number of premierships Hawthorn has won.
While Flappy Bird’s ascendancy mirrors Hawthorn’s, hopefully the Hawks will not become victims of their own success in the same way as Flappy Bird, something we experienced in 2009.
The Hangover
One of the most successful movies of 2009 was called The Hangover starring Zack Galifianakis, Bradley Cooper and Justin Bartha. The film revolves around four men who travel to Las Vegas on a bachelor party weekend. The men check in to a suite in Caesars Palace. The next morning three of them awaken to discover that the suite is a complete ruin, one of them is missing a tooth, there is a baby and a chicken in the suite, and a tiger in the bathroom. Also the groom is missing. The three men spend the movie trying to piece together what happened the previous night while looking for the groom.
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| 2009: Lest We Forget |
The premiership hangover was so bad it lasted until Round 8 of 2010. Much has therefore been made over summer of Clarko needing to keep innovating so that we don’t suffer the same sort of hangover as we did in 2009. But as I said back in 09, to have a premiership hangover, you first have to win the premiership. Wouldn’t St Kilda or The Bulldogs love the chance to suffer a premiership hangover? So if we have to bury ourselves in the pillow, reach for the Panadol and keep the blinds shut, then I can cope.
Besides, after the anxiety of 2012/13 when we finished on top and suffered under the weight of expectation that goes along with that, it might be nice and relaxing to chill through the 2014 season without any real expectancy.
I say that now of course, but once the season is underway I’ll feel the same sense of angst and anticipation as always; I’ll feel the same anxiety whenever we’re less than six goals in front, and be as raucous in my cheering whenever Sammy and Cyril get hold of the ball or Rough and Gunston pull in a mark.
The Hangover has grown into a franchise with two sequels. We don’t want a sequel of the 2009 premiership hangover, but from the moment the ball is bounced in Round one at Aurora, we’ll be looking for the best sort of sequel – back-to-back flags. Go Hawks!
Big Ben chimes in – Ben McEvoy joins Hawthorn
Hawthorn’s main recruiting coup during the trade period was signing Ben McEvoy from St Kilda to replace retiring premiership ruckman, Max Bailey.
I don’t know much about Big Ben and my enquiries to Saints fans didn’t enlighten me much either; with some saying he’s a fine player who will be good for the Hawks, and others saying he’s an okay mark around the ground but not much good in the ruck. This is a shame because he’s just been recruited as our no. 1 ruckman.
Of course when taking such advice from Saints fans you have to remind yourself that ‘good’ is a relative term and never more so than from supporters of a team that has won only one premiership. It is just possible that Big Ben will join the pantheon of Hawthorn recruits who fit the ‘inspired decision’ tag, such as Stuart Dew, Shaun Burgoyne, Josh Gibson and Brian Lake. Or the pantheon of ordinary St Kilda players who transformed themselves (or became transformed?) into champions the minute they slipped the brown and gold verticals over their heads, such as Russell Greene, Brent Guerra, Stuart Trott, Spider Everitt, Joel Smith, even Allan Jeans.
Also, does it really matter if he knows what to do in the ruck? It’s never bothered Hawthorn overly much in the past. After all, we won a premiership with Bernie Jones in the ruck, so having a great ruckman is clearly not an imperative. Besides, with Sammy, Cyril, the Poo, Jordan Lewis and Brad Hill scuttling about under his feet, it doesn’t really matter if Big Ben wins the tap out – as long as he competes, the ball will come to ground no matter who wins the tap, where our fellas will snaffle it up and scoot off with it.
And should Clarko decide that winning the ruck duel occasionally is a tactic worth pursuing; well, we have The Monkey, Damien Monkhurst, on hand as ruck coach. On game day the former Collingwood great can usually be found sitting on the Hawthorn bench looking svelte and relaxed in a brown team track-suit, vigorously chewing gum, one hand hidden in a pocket and the other perennially holding a phone to his ear. Who he is communing with and just why it extends throughout the entire match remains a mystery. If he’s talking to the coaching panel in the box, why doesn’t he just sit up there with them? It’s not like he moves around the boundary, or even stands up. Or is it just that there isn’t enough room in the box for his somewhat imposing figure?
Savage cuts – Shane Savage and Xavier Ellis leave Hawthorn
Just as with any new boyfriend or girlfriend, we’ll take pleasure in Big Ben’s presence; admire his ability, his blond curls and his raunchy ruck moves. But of course to get him to the club we had to dump our previous partner, and Shane Savage was the player who we felt we’d outgrown, the player who stormed out of the restaurant when we broke the bad news. I’ll miss Savage – he’s a good player, quick and he usually manages a goal or two. Admittedly his kicks were always stratospherically high, so there was no chance of him delivering a lace out pass on the chest, but he always contributed to the team. He was very unlucky not to be selected in the 2013 Grand Final side. As it turned out Simpkin was a good selection who played well when he came on, but Savage must have been next in line, and there’s no reason to suspect he wouldn’t have done equally well.
Xavier Ellis also left the Hawks, going to West Coast. Ellis has been desperately unlucky with injury over the past few years and these have hampered his career. As a player he’s always reminded me a bit of Nick Dal Santo (who also changed clubs this season); he’s a classy left-footer who gets hold of the ball and delivers it with polish. The only difference is he’s probably a bit better endowed, or even if he’s not, at least we haven’t all seen the pictures. Ellis remains one of the best exponents of the sub-10 metre pass, but he’ll always be loved at Hawthorn for his standout game in the 2008 Grand Final.
Ellis joins former Hawk assistant coach Adam Simpson, who has replaced John Worsfold at the helm of West Coast. We’ll miss both of them.
It will be a bit like running into an old girlfriend when we see Savage in his Saints outfit and Ellis running around with the Eagles in 2014 – at first in the instant before we recognise them, we’ll see something that attracts us, something to admire. Then we’ll realise who it is and understand the attraction, perhaps remember the good times; Ellis’ precision passing in 08, Savage slotting the sealer against Collingwood in 2012. I hope they both do well with their new clubs, though obviously there are limits to that. After all, we never want our old partner to outshine our new one.
Unapologetic – clubbing with Rhianna and Campbell Brown
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| Check out my "Hawks Premiers 2013 tatt!" |
Campbell Brown, champion half-back and member of Hawthorn’s 2008 premiership team, has always been a footballer’s footballer – a man with old-fashioned beliefs on how to play the game. He attacks the ball and his opponents with equal ferocity. He believes that what happens on the field stays on the field, a creed that obviously extends to the footy trip.
But after last season, the thing he left on the footy trip with the Gold Coast Suns was his career after he broke the jaw of teammate Steven May.
According to stories at the time, a contingent of Suns players plus Hawk star Josh Gibson had been asked to leave Bootsy Bellows nightclub in West Hollywood because Rhianna and her entourage were due to arrive. May, it transpired, tried to force his way back into the club to get Rhianna’s autograph – well fair enough, he’s only human, whereupon Josh Gibson tried to stop him. When May abused Gibson, Campbell Brown allegedly stepped in and threw two punches. Whatever the truth of this tale, the result is that Brown broke May’s jaw and was subsequently sacked by the Suns.
Of course no one condones violence, but the furore over May’s broken jaw and Brown’s sacking seem to have obscured the real scandal here. After all, Campbell Brown was sticking up for Gibson. But also, why was Peter Crimmins medallist and premiership hero Josh Gibson asked to leave a nightclub just because of Rhianna?
If anything Ri Ri should have insisted on Gibson staying so she could meet him. He is, after all, the real star. And not that I want to get too far ahead of myself, but the pair would make a great power couple – the best since Becks and Posh, or even, if the rumours are true, Barack and Beyonce. And just think of the father-son prospects: Gibson’s ball reading ability and judgement combined with Rhianna’s dance moves, well, the little fella would be unstoppable – to say nothing of his good looks, hot bod and marketing potential.
It’s hard to know what Campbell Brown will do now. You suspect that he didn’t have much of a plan for post football. Or if he did, it was probably working in ‘the media’ a sphere where, like Acker before him, his currency is exhausted the minute he’s not actually playing the game. If nothing else, media organisations will be scared of what he might get up to at the Christmas party once the free bar runs out.
Mandela and Hawthorn
As the world’s dignitaries flew into Johannesburg to honour the late Nelson Mandela, or ‘Madiba’ as the western media suddenly started referring to him to give the impression they were more intimately acquainted with him than was actually the case, it was pleasing to see that Australia sent ambassadors who carry the requisite dignity and standing that such an occasion demands. I’m not referring to Prime Minister Tony Abbott, Foreign Minister Julie Bishop (even though she is one of Australia’s most convincing Dermie lookalikes), nor Catholic Archbishop George Pell, or even AFL supremo Andrew Demetriou.
Of course it was Hawthorn led by Luke Hodge who took the time to pay tribute to the great Mandela, before getting out the Sherrins for pre-season training exercises and a few clinics with the kids – it’s what Nelson would have wanted.
And really, who better to help a grieving nation find renewed hope than the mighty Hawks?
It’s fair to say that up until the moment of his death, Nelson Mandela was probably the most universally loved and admired person on the planet, with the possible exception of Kylie. So his sad passing leaves a vacancy for the most noble and respected human alive. It’s a vacancy that in other circumstances I might have nominated Buddy to fill, but with his, well, let’s not beat about the bush, treacherous defection to Sydney, he no longer qualifies.
No, this role requires someone of impeccable standing, someone with dignity and humility, someone who has experienced adversity and emerged triumphant, someone who can forgive enemies, in short, a noble and honourable person, and I can only think of one man…Jarryd Roughead! Okay, I’ll also accept Luke Hodge, Cyril Rioli and Sam Mitchell. Just as Mandela was respected by all politicians – left, right, socialist, kooky right, whatever the ALP is – so Rough, Hodge, Cyril and Sammy are respected by all footy fans, no matter what team they support.
Step it up Cyril
On 2 February 2014 Matt Murnane wrote a piece in The Age listing the players from each team that need to ‘step up’, to take the leap from being a ‘good’ player to become a ‘great’ player – the sort of player who can make a real difference to their team’s fortunes. For Hawthorn he nominated, wait for it, Cyril Rioli!
To me that’s a bit like telling Don Bradman that it’s time he turned his ‘starts’ into big scores, or advising Mitch Johnson to ramp up the pace a bit.
Next to Buddy, Cyril is perhaps the most exciting player to emerge at Hawthorn over the past six years. In 2013 we defeated North Melbourne twice narrowly, and on each occasion it was Cyril Rioli’s inspired play that got us over the line.
Stepping up isn’t Cyril’s problem, so much as stepping out, given that it’s his hamstring that defeats him more often than any opponent does. In his article Matt Murnane allowed for Cyril’s injury hampered 2013 as a factor behind his inability to have a greater impact in matches. He cited, however, that Rioli had no 20 plus possession games after he returned from injury in round 15, and only one game in which he kicked more that one goal. This may well be true, but he still makes a difference every time he gets the ball, and a match where Cyril gets 19 possessions and kicks a goal is usually a match we’re going to win. Seriously, if Rioli is our biggest problem then Hawks fans can start planning where they’re going to celebrate the back-to-back flag in 2014 and look forward to our threepeat in 2015.
In my view the player who really needs to step up is Tim O’Brien – the man who has assumed, or rather ascended to the famous number 23. As a red head, O’Brien is probably accustomed to being singled out for attention, so perhaps he’ll handle wearing the number 23 with calm and poise. Let’s hope so, but let’s hope he also wears it with a touch of flair and zest as well, because he’s now the eponymous face of this blog. So whether it be on the field with bags of goals, or off the field with a posse of babes or a blaze of controversy doesn’t matter, so long as he distinguishes himself quickly and adds to the aura of the number 23 0 or at least justifies the name of this blog.
Brett Lee gets Rough treatment
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| "Take this Rough!" |
As satisfying as that was, by far the best cricket story over summer was the news of Jarryd Roughead smashing a six off the bowling of Brett Lee in the Ricky Ponting charity match in Launceston. While this became a talking point, Hawthorn fans weren’t really surprised. After all, Rough is the reigning Coleman medallist and it’s not at all unusual for him to score six-pointers in Launceston.
Australian of the Year
Prime Minister Tony Abbott named Sydney Swans champ Adam Goodes as Australian of the Year for 2014. This is a tremendous honour and I’m pleased that at last an AFL player has finally been recognised in this way – after all every other sport has at least one Australian of the Year representative, and it seems to come as part of the package when you captain the cricket team.
While it’s undeniable that Adam Goodes is an impressive leader and spokesperson for not only indigenous people, but all Australians, I can’t help but question whether he is the best choice for this honour. Sure he campaigns tirelessly for the rights of indigenous people, raises his voice against racism, gives his time to a number of charities and advocates for equality in education. But is that really enough to qualify him as Australian of the Year?
Surely foremost among the criteria in the minds of those who elect our Australian of the Year is whether or not the candidate played or plays for Hawthorn? If it’s not bad enough that Sam Mitchell is regularly overlooked in Brownlow voting, or even for King of Moomba (how come Bert Newton gets a second go when Sam has yet to don the ceremonial garb?), it’s defies comprehension that he hasn’t also been Australian of the Year at least once already. Likewise Luke Hodge and Jarryd Roughead, one the reigning premiership captain, the other the reigning Coleman medallist – these are the qualities I consider paramount in selecting the representative of our nation. I can’t help thinking that Australian of the Year honours might come under yet another obscure clause in the Swans’ ever-growing salary cap allowance.
NAB Challenge 1
Hawthorn v Brisbane
Etihad Stadium, Thursday 13 February 2014
Thank God footy’s back! And not just because we love it and want to see our Hawks in action, but anything to get Schapelle Corby off the front page and out of our consciousness. Don’t get me wrong, nine years in an Indonesian gaol is too long for carrying a bit of hooch (well, quite a lot of hooch actually), but even so, parole the poor girl by all means. However, the constant speculation in the weeks leading up to her release and the live crosses and ongoing commentary from reporters who no more understand the Indonesian justice system than they can explain quantum physics has left me feeling like I’ve been serving my own sentence.
Such was the saturation coverage it showed up on NASA satellite photos from space. It was nearly as relentless as the ‘will Buddy go?’ coverage of 2013. But Buddy’s gone and Schapelle’s out, so we can turn our minds to what really matters…Hawthorn.
It’s our first official match for the 2014 season – a NAB Challenge game against Brisbane. The accepted position to adopt for the pre-season matches is that it doesn’t really matter if we win; it’s just a good opportunity to play the kids and to shake off a few cobwebs. Of course the reality is that I do care whether we win. So it was heart warming to see the Hawks put on a show and win by a comfy 131 points. Was it churlish of me to be a tad disappointed that the Hawks took their foot off the pedal in the final quarter and allowed the Lions to rally and kick two goals to triple their score?
I was unable to attend the game, so followed it on the AFL app, and wondered if something was wrong, because every time I refreshed we’d added a goal, sometimes two or three. So swift was the scoring and the app updating that I began to fear the Hawks would exhaust my data usage allowance.
Just think, in our two most recent games, the 2013 Grand Final against Fremantle and this, the opening NAB cup game against Brisbane – the opposition have managed just 1.6 and 1.3 respectively in the first half. That’s an aggregate of just 2.9 over four quarters.
Brisbane may be disheartened at the score their youngsters managed to post against the Hawks, but they should take some solace from the fact that the Dockers – against the same defence managed just 1.6 to half time of the 2013 Grand Final. Not bad for a team who, according to the majority of footy pundits, has a suspect defence. In fact with just one kick in the second quarter, a nine-pointer from outside 50, Matt Suckling equalled Brisbane’s entire first half score of 1.3.9.
It was, after all, Valentine’s Day eve and there was already a lot to love about the Hawks: Jack Gunston’s 5 goals, Matt Suckling’s return and the form of Sam Mitchell, Liam Shiels, Cyril Rioli, Brad Hill and Big Ben McEvoy. Cupid, it seems, plays for Hawthorn.
You just have to hope that sitting back in her Channel 7 sponsored resort, Schapelle took the chance to lift her veil, tune into Fox Footy and relish her newfound freedom, as exemplified by the way Hawthorn played.
Final scores: Hawthorn 1.22.13 154 d Brisbane 3.5. 23
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| Schapelle, a Queenslander, can't look on as the Hawks demolish Brisbane |
NAB Challenge 2
Hawthorn v North Melbourne
Aurora Stadium, Friday 21 February 2014
Last time we played North Melbourne at Aurora, Buddy kicked 13 goals and Hawthorn won by over 100 points. This match would be different for obvious reasons; firstly Buddy’s absence, but also during the two meetings in the home and away rounds of 2013, North held the ascendency for large parts of each match and could have won both if not for Cyril Rioli. So we expected a closer match than our first NAB Cup challenge game against Brisbane the previous week.
However, after Hawthorn kicked the first six goals of the match, it appeared that those expectations were completely misguided. This was reinforced when you noted that Hawthorn’s first quarter goal kickers were Liam Shiels with three and Hale, Simpkin and Langford with one each – not the usual names in Hawthorn’s goalkicking column. It suggested a rout was on the cards.
Again I was following this match via the AFL app from Cabinet where I was having after-work drinks with my friend Chan-Tha and her sister Dara. We were mid-cocktail (or in my case, pot of Boags) when we noted that Tim O’Brien wearing the no.23 added his first goal for the Hawks – here’s cheers! This was followed by Langford kicking a second. And even though North evened it out a bit in the second quarter, it didn’t bode well for them that they were still five goals in arrears at half-time and Gunston and Roughead hadn’t yet registered on the scoreboard.
In fact North’s half time score was just 3.5.23, and Hawthorn didn’t have Lake, Birchall or Stratton in defence. When you add this to Brisbane’s half time score the previous week of 1.3, and Fremantle’s half-time score in the Grand Final of 1.6 – over the three matches, the opposition has kicked just 5.11 to Hawthorn’s 27.16 in the first half of football.
All very positive for the Hawks and as we skipped away in a dominant second half it became clear that the NAB Challenge was proving to be anything but. And with our next warm-up match against Melbourne, there is a danger that we might be peaking too early. Although it’s good to start as we mean to go on.
Final scores: Hawthorn 18.10. 118 d North Melbourne 7.11. 53
While there might be plenty of on field reasons for Hawks fans to be getting cocky about the 2014 season, there is still some off field issues about which we can feel less proud. A Hawthorn fan was ejected from the ground for allegedly making racist comments to Majack Daw from North Melbourne. The only positive aspect of this was that it was other Hawks fans who pointed him out to police.
Of course it defies logic that football fans continue to make these remarks, especially fans of teams with Indigenous players on their list. Just think of the great African and African-American athletes in the world and imagine how much better AFL could become once a few more African born players follow Majack Daw’s lead.
In the USA former Washington Wizards basketball player and potential Brooklyn Nets recruit, Jason Collins, came out as gay in the NBA off-season. This caused little apparent fuss. The fact that he’s African-American went completely unremarked of course. It makes me wonder that if we’re still struggling with Majack Daw’s skin colour, it’s probably a few years yet before an AFL player comes out as openly gay.
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