MCG,
Saturday 23 August 2014
Hawthorn – Bringing Sexy Back
A staple of television entertainment these days is the
makeover show, where people are transformed from one state of being into
another, altogether higher state of being. Whether it is turning an obese and
slovenly person into a slender one, the hideous into the handsome, the fausty
into the fashionable or a slattern into a sex siren, these shows take viewers
on a journey through the transformation. The concept also applies to
professions, turning a cook into a chef or a worker bee into to a boss. It even
works for property, turning backyard mires into manicured gardens and hovels
into homes. The template for such shows is to begin with a back-story of
misfortune and misery and follow the candidates as they undergo a magical
metamorphosis from the tragic to the triumphant.
On Saturday night channel 7 screened another in this
series of transformations; this time using football as its plot point and
Hawthorn as the star. In the first half the Hawks played like inept duffers barely
able to gain possession of the ball, and when they did, unable to do anything
particularly proactive with it, such as score. When they came out after Clarko’s
half-time makeover, however, they were transformed into a ruthless and
relentless team that won possession of the ball and moved it with precision,
pace and poise. To adopt the theme of the latest makeover show tohit our
screens, Hawthorn was bringing sexy back.
The reason I’m using a television metaphor to describe
this game is because that is how I experienced it. I was quite ill in the days
leading into this match and was not well enough to attend. In typical Hawthorn
mode, I was a late withdrawal. My symptons included an extremely tight chest,
harsh dry coughing, fever, nausea, headaches and vomiting. True, nothing
entirely unusual leading up to a Geelong match, but serious enough this time
that I felt it would be unwise to sit out in the night air growing anxious over
the outcome.
This was the first Hawthorn v Geelong home and away
game I’d missed since we played at Skilled Stadium in 2007, which was also the
last time we beat them in such a fixture. In the interval I’d attended all 12
home and away losses, so note to self, it’s just best if I don’t go.
Taking
Turns
While most commentary about the match is running with
the ‘game of two halves’ angle, it was more a case of the two teams taking
turns to enjoy sustained bursts of goal scoring. Geelong kicked the first three
of the game, then Hawthorn kicked the next three, then Geelong kicked six, then
Hawthorn kicked a decisive 10 in a row, before Geelong added two. Brad Sewell
started the next Hawthorn burst but the final siren rang before we could add
any further goals.
Along the way there were a number of highlights.
Rough’s two goals just before quarter time to get us going in the game, the
dual between Brian Lake and Tom Hawkins, no clear winner, but both played well,
Jimmy Bartel’s elaborate dive which earnt him a pefect 10 and a free kick in
front of goal – a triple pike with a touch of Lindsay Thomas – it was the final
link in a chain of doubtful free kicks to Geelong that awoke the Hawthorn crowd
who responded with impressive and sustained booing every time Bartel went near
the ball for the rest of the night. It was heartening to hear. Bartel can
protest his innocence all he likes, but sorry Jimmy, the people saw and the
people have spoken.
Geelong fans, players and the Geelong-centric media
contingent who cast Lindsay Thomas as a serial cheat two weeks previous when he
took a dive against the Cats to win a free kick in front of goal suddenly found
themselves having to see things from a different perspective and fell over
themselves to clear Bartel’s name.
If this incident angered the Hawthorn fans, it merely
served as a focal point for our frustration after Geelong added five goals in
succession to lead by 31 points at half-time. We’d only scored 3.2 to that
point – five scoring shots in a half of football was the real problem.
Transformation
Time
There were some encouraging signs early in the third
quarter, with Hawthorn maintaining possession and setting up a string of
scoring opportunites. The problem was that all of our scores were behinds – the
Poo kicked two, Breust and Spangher one each. Then the ball went down the other end and Hawkins goaled for
Geelong – our best period of the game and we were just getting further behind.
The deficit was 33 points.
How to explain what happened next? At home, where I’d
been lying on the couch making the most of my illness, my son Oscar returned
from his night out. The ‘Go Cats’ taunts of his friends ringing in the air as
they drove away. Was it his coming home that turned things around?
Was it something more spiritual or cosmic? The
deficit, after all, was 33 points – the age at which Christ was killed, but
more importnatly, came back to life.
Just like the Hawks with Jordan Lewis being
instrumental in this miracle. He set up David Hale for a goal, then marked and
kicked one himself. Will Langford was also a key player – winning a free kick
and scoring. The free kick wasn’t there, but it was now our turn to enjoy a little
umpiring providence. Luke Breust, barely sighted before now, marked a Birchall
pass and kicked accurately.
The umpiring providence was short-lived however, as
Sam Mitchell’s GOAL was reviewed and despite the ball clearing the line before
Hamish McIntosh got his mit to it, it was awrded as a point. It seems that
every week the goal review system creates the very controversy it was
introduced to eliminate. It is either not used when it shoud be, used when it
shouldn’t be, or delivers an incorrect result. Let’s just go back to the goal
umpires – there’s far less guesswork.
It didn’t really matter beause about a minute later
David Hale ran back with the flight of the ball and launched into a mark
directly in front. The transformation was complete when Langford took a mark
and kicked a long goal from 50 metres tp put us in front as the siren sounded.
The Hawks had the momentum and the crowd was roaring –
surely we couldn’t lose it from here. Well no Hawthorn fans that have been to
these matches over the past few years were thinking such thoughts – we’ve
learnt that when it comes to Geelong games, optimism can be the first sign of
weakness. Still, things were markedly better than they were at half-time.
Liam Shiles kept the momentum and our (dis)belief bubbling
along when he goaled from a pack less than a minute after the restart. And in a
sign that this really was going to be our night, even Jonathan Ceglar drifted
forward to take a mark and goal. Birchall passed to Roughead for anoher and
then Hale kicked his third. Suddenly we were 5 goals up!
The Cats kicked a couple to keep our anxiety alive,
but Brad Sewell, playing his first game for several weeks, wheeled around from
a pack and slotted the sealer with five minutes remaining.
In a makeover show, this would be the bit when the
relatives tear up, hug each other and become emotional and that’s exactly what
was happening at my place.
Lewis, Birchall, Langford, Gibson, Lake, Burgoyne and
Mitchell all brought a little bit of sexy back for the Hawks on the night.
Final
scores: Hawthorn 14 10 94 d Geelong 11 5 71
Attendance:
72,212
Ladder position:
2nd
What we
learned: The Catholic Church is
like a trucking company. Giving evidence this week at
the Royal Commission into Institutional Responses to Child Sex Abuse, Cardinal
George Pell likened the Catholic Church’s responsibility over child abuse at
the hands of priests to that of a trucking company when one of their drivers sexually
assaults a passenger. This analogy is wrong on so many levels we don’t
know where to start, but victims of sexual abuse as well as people who run trucking
companies are understandably upset by the comparison. It is unclear how many
truck drivers are entrusted with the spiritual and moral guidance of children
they happen to pick up along the highway, let alone how many might abuse that
trust, but the fact that the Royal Commission wasn’t set up to look into the
activities of trucking companies suggests that it is not as common as Cardinal
Pell may think. If Cardinal Pell wants the Catholic Church to be more like a
trucking company, perhaps they could start by paying taxes.
What has this got to do with football? Well, nothing actually.
What we
already knew: Carlton is not
getting better any time soon. After losing by 103 points to Port Adelaide on
Friday night, their VFL affiliate side, the Northern Blues lost to the Box Hill Hawks by 129
points, and the development league side, their third tier team, also lost to
Box Hill by 119 points. So Carlton’s three teams lost by an aggregate of 351
points on the weekend - who would want to ask Mick Malthouse the first question
at that press conference?
What we loved: The mighty Mosquitos! In the precursor to the Hawthorn Geelong game on
Saturday night, Papua New Guinea defeated Ireland by 3 points in the final of
AFL International Cup: 6.9.45 to 6.6.42. PNG’s Mosquitos came from behind at
three quarter time to win their second title. Meanwhile Canada won the women’s
title, also defeating Ireland: 5.8.38 to 2.0.12. This growth of serious AFL
teams is encouraging as we may need a replacement for Melbourne in the near
future.
What we are saddened by: Terrible news during the week that former Essendon player and Melbourne
coach, Neale Daniher, has motor neuron disease – a disease that is both fatal
and incurable. This news comes as the ice-bucket challenge sweeps the world. To
raise awareness for amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS) or motor neuron disease
in Australia, people with smart phones or access to a TV crew are subjecting
themselves to having a bucket of iced water tipped over their heads. Now that
everyone with any sort of vague media profile, except perhaps the Pope, the
Queen and John Kennedy Snr have taken the challenge, we can consider awareness
well and truly raised. Critics may see the campaign as little more than a
celebrity wet t-shirt competition, but hopefully the campaign will continue to
raise funds towards research for a cure to help good people like Neale Daniher.
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