Qualifying Final - Hawthorn v Geelong

MCG, Friday 5 September 2014

Mission Accomplished?

Chris Scott's Round 22 press conference

On 1 May 2003 George W Bush stood aboard the aircraft carrier USS Abraham Lincoln with military personnel arrayed around him and a large ‘Mission Accomplished’ banner behind him, and announced the end of major combat operations in Iraq. Of course this was simply a precursor to the escalated insurgency and increased guerrilla activity in a war that raged on for another 10 years or so, with after effects that continue to reverberate today.

When Hawthorn defeated Geelong in Round 22, coming from a 33 point deficit at half time to kick 10 unanswered goals and roll over the Cats by 22 points, Geelong coach Chris Scott sat smirking in the post-match press conference and announced that it was ‘mission accomplished’ for Geelong and ‘a step forward in our preparation’.  It’s hard to know whether he was just being smug and arrogant, attempting to psych out Hawthorn ahead of our Qualifying Final clash, or whether he was having a bit of a George W Bush moment and was completely misled and deluded.  Probably all of the above.

While it was refreshing to hear a coach react in a reasonably positive light after a loss, it was strange that a team which had so meekly given up its advantage was being so lauded, as if a 10 goal turnaround was part of some tactical master plan and that Hawthorn had unwittingly fallen into their dastardly trap.

  

The sequel

Here we were then, just two weeks later, to witness the sequel. In movies, the sequel is never as good as the original, with the possible exception of Toy Story II, so I was a little nervous about the outcome this time around. Particularly as Geelong were able to recall Steve Johnson to their dramatis personae after he missed the previous game due to injury. The Hawks meanwhile were bringing back rested players Luke Hodge, Ben Stratton and Brad Hill.

The MCC Members section where I was seated was packed as you’d expect for another big match between Hawthorn and Geelong, but strangely there were large vacant sections on Level 4 at both ends of the ground. Did the footy public have a dose of Hawthorn-Geelongfatigue? Or was it more a case that with all the media attention focused on Richmond’s run to the finals, including interviews with pretty anyone who has ever played or barracked for the Tiges, as well as footage of buses and planes setting off for Adelaide with passengers singing ‘We’re from Tigerland…’, that the footy public simply weren’t aware that Hawthorn and Geelong were even in the finals? Or had forgotten. Perhaps people just preferred to stay at home and look up Jennifer Lawrence’s nude selfies online. Having just portrayed Mystique in X-Men, there was very little mystique about her anymore. Although she is less blue than I imagined.  

Jennifer Lawrence nude selfie - she looks like a Cats fan with body paint

 My apprehension about the game seemed well-founded as it got underway and Geelong controlled the ball early with Joel Selwood and Jimmy Bartel kicking the only two goals in the first 15 minutes. On the other hand, this is more or less how the previous game began, so perhaps this match was indeed following the Hollywood sequel model of simply repeating the same plotline with a few variations. Once Roughead took the ball from a stoppage and banged through our first goal, things began to look up. By the time Lewis and the Poo added further goals, we were in front at quarter time and looking handsome.

The second quarter followed more or less the same pattern as the first, with Geelong dominating early and then Hawthorn hitting back. Joel Selwood seemed unstoppable; Bartel took a screamer and converted, and then Hawkins goaled. By this stage those Hawthorn fans still booing Bartel after his ‘dive’ a few weeks previous were beginning to question the soundness of this strategy. Firstly it’s hard to stay angry with Bartel, but more importantly, we didn’t need to give him any extra reason to turn it on. Happily the low-fi hum was less and less evident with his every touch.  

When Hawthorn’s turn came to dominate, Isaac Smith, the Poo and Gunston scored, and we held a comfy buffer heading into half-time. Until, that is, Murdoch and Walker kicked late goals for the Cats to level scores at 6.5 each for half time.  The late goals were disappointing, but I took some solace from the fact that three weeks previous we were 22 points behind at half-time, and still won. This time we were at least level, so we were arguably in a far superior position.

The dead die hard

The very first kick of the third quarter was a free to Sam Mitchell in the centre, with which he calmly found David Hale. Hale’s kick, the seond of the quarter, was a goal. This was more like it. Our advantage restored we began again to dominate and the familiar plotline of a few weeks previous looked like it might play out with the Hawks running away with it. The only thing was, despite our general superiority, we weren’t scoring. Worse, Geelong did. Selwood ran onto a long kick and bounced through his third goal. Then Tom Hawkins was awarded a free kick that was arguably more of an ethical crime than that commited by the hackers who raided the cloud for photos of nude celebrities.  

This outrage sparked heated debate in the part of the grandstand where I was seated, coming on top of several Selwood ‘too high’ free kicks. The Hawks fan behind me calling Selwood ‘the turtle’ was in dispute with a Cats fan nearby whose only riposte was ‘tackle him round the waist then’, which of course is to deny the reality that the umpires would still award him a free for too high once he ducked. The woman next to me was gleeful with spite when Hawkins was awarded the free kick.

As if the players were as affronted as we were, the Hawks snapped into action. Hodge marked on the boundary line next to the point post and guided it through, Gunston ran through a pack and slotted one on the run, then followed up with a mark and goal from 25 metres out.

When Roughead was awarded a free kick 20 meters from goal, it gave Geelong fans the chance to whinge in turn, which they duly did. The free kick was doubtful, but the woman next to me held me personally responsible for the decision. Unlike Hawkins, however, Roughead did the decent thing and missed. Not that this stopped the woman from shouting at me.  I suggested she focus on her team and the game which was still close and try to take some pleasure in the fact that Geelong had kicked a goal with their dodgy free kick, whereas we‘d only managed a behind.

Our 14 point three quarter time lead was useful, but we’d dominated the play for much of the third quarter and couldn’t deliver the knockout blow. ‘The dead die hard’ begins Samuel Beckett’s posthumously published story, Echo’s Bones’, ‘they are trespassers on the beyond’ - a statement that might equally apply to Geelong, who weren’t succumbing as we’d have liked. This was largely due to Joel Selwood who was playing a dominant game. Sam Mitchell, however, was becoming an even greater influence and drawing other players into the game. Brad Hill in particular was playing a lively and enterprising game, as was Brad Sewell.

Mission Accomplished

Luke Breust kicked a trademark low goal a few minutes into the final quarter to give us some early confidence and a bit of breathing space, and we held this lead until Blicavs responded for the Cats. He’s a good player Blicavs; as hard to match up on as his name is to pronounce.

Nearly 20 minutes in and the Hawks’ increasing dominance started to show on the scoreboard and in our gloating. The woman next to me might have become deafened as Rough slotted a set shot from the boundary line. If not, she certainly heard all about Jordan Lewis’ two goals that followed. She was no longer next to me by the time Will Langford snapped another goal just before the siren, but I bet she still heard our roar as she made her way out of the ground.

The 36 point margin was the biggest between these teams since that glorious day in 2008 when we won the Grand Final by 26 points. Chris Scott’s sense of a mission accomplished proved to be as accurate as George W Bush’s. It may not have been the end of our combat operations, but at least we knocked Geelong out of our way.

Final scores: Hawthorn 15 14 104 d Geelong 10 8 68

Attendance: 74,753

Notable Hawks: Sam Mitchell, Shaun Burgoyne, Brad Hill, Brian Lake , Isaac Smith, Grant Birchall, Josh Gibson, David Hale, Liam Shiels, Luke Hodge

What we learned: The AFL announced that the entertainment at the Grand final would feature Tom Jones, Ed Sheeran and Olivia Newton-John. Tom’s signature tune, ‘What’s New Pussycat’ won’t have the same resonance without the Cats out there, but at least Ed will be able to dedicate ‘The A team’ to our Hawthorn boys.  As for Olivia, last time she performed at theGrand Final was 1986 when Hawthorn defeated Carlton, so that’s one good omen. And her set list reads like a veritable ode to Hawthorn: Hopelessly Devoted to You, I Love You, I Honestly Love You, Let’s Get Physical, and of course, Xanadu.  

We also learned that it's now okay to charge someone off the ball and headbutt them. Or if you do get reported, just call on Joel Selwood as your character witness. North Melbourne's Boomer Harvey was initially suspended for one week for initiating contact involving a head clash with Geelong's Joel Selwood in theor semi-final encounter. But one word from Joel, the umpire whisperer, and suddenly Boomer has been cleared to play in the Preliminary Final against Sydney. The most amazing thing from this incident is that despite a genuine head high clash, Selwood din't get a free kick!

What we already knew: Hawthorn are gangstas. In the week following this match I saw Kanye West perform at Rod Laver Arena, and while most of the crowd were straining to see if they could catch a glimpse of wife, Kim Kardashian, I only had to look two rows behind me to see the much more glamorous crew of Jack Gunston, Grant Birchall and Jordan Lewis seated in a private box with other Hawthorn identities. What gangstas! Hodgey’s posse as Kanye might say. Or more likely Hodgey’s bitches. I’m no Kardashian fan necessarily, but I reckon Kim would dish out a decent hip and shoulder.