Sunday 30 June, Aurora Stadium Launceston
Women's round...boys' weekend
I am woman…
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| Subbed off: Gillard dons the red subs vest photo: news.com.au |
And even though Julia Gillard is a Bulldogs fan (talk about setting yourself up for failure), it’s still a step up from being a rugby fan. Say what you like about Gillard, at least for a few years we had a PM with an understanding of what’s really important in life…football!
The fact that the Dogs went down to the Demons on Saturday night must have capped off the week perfectly for her. You wonder what was the more soul destroying and humiliating loss – the prime ministership to Rudd or the football to the Demons.
…hear me roar
Last week the Lions kicked a goal after the siren to win the match. Ashley McGrath playing his 200th game marked on the siren and went back and slotted the ball from 50 metres to defeat the Cats. What Hawks fan didn't smirk as the ball sailed through and Lions players piled on top of each other in celebration while the Cats looked about in disbelief and trudged off after giving up a 53 point lead?
Who didn't scan the background in the hope of catching a glimpse of Tom Hawkins’ expression and delight in his disappointment? Not even the thought that we had to play the Lions this week could hide my satisfaction at the outcome.
Then, as it happens, the Lions had another post-siren kick this week that would see them snatch victory. Another long kick on which rode the fortunes of the match and the hopes of thousands of visiting fans who had traversed oceans to be there. This time, however, the ball fell short and the Wallabies took it out of play to secure victory.
Of course I’m referring here to the British and Irish Lions, not the native Brisbane breed, who were never going to get close to the Hawks. For a start it was going to take them a quarter or so to thaw out in Launceston, by which time we'll have established a match winning lead. That’s how I saw it panning out anyway. And I had to imagine it because once again I was on a plane for the best part of the match.
How do you like them apps?
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| Hawthorn premiership hero Campbell Brown holidays on the Gold Coast |
It’s ersatz sport, a poor simulacrum, like watching a tribute band (The Australian Doors show rather than The Doors) or voting for the ALP – you can do it, but there’s no emotional investment and no pay off, and in the case of the latter, you come out of it feeling just a little bit grubby.
So I sat through my two hour flight as impatiently as any voyeur seated in the stalls at Her Majesty’s waiting for Jerry Hall to disrobe in Act III of The Graduate. When I was finally able to flick on to the AFL app I saw that we held a reasonably comfortable 44 to 21 lead two thirds of the way through the second quarter.
But five minutes later the score still stood at 44-21, and no amount of prodding could move it along. And throughout the ride on the courtesy bus back to the car the score still stood at 44-21. What was going on down there? Or more precisely, not going on. According to the app it wasn’t half-time, yet neither team were scoring. Was there a ground invasion? Had enraged Hawthorn fans taken Buddy hostage and held up the game until he signs a new contract? Or was it just that the AFL app wasn’t working? It was a desperate and frustrating situation, worse than Jerry Hall’s zip getting stuck on the way down.
A scroll of goals
My phone sounds a series of percussive pips when a text message comes through. It had been on for approximately 15 minutes since landing when it suddenly erupted in a drum solo of beats as Chan-Tha’s texts piped through in a manic burst like a batch of popcorn. It was like the birth of techno in my pocket.
And there at last was the updated story laid out in a happy scroll of goals.
Lewis got our first from a free kick for in the back.
Buddy got a behind…standard Buddy
Just messed up a certain goal
Gunston goal. Hawks 15-7
25-8. Pete can’t believe we’re not thrashing them
38-8. Go Hawks
44–14 – seem a bit flat
Great goal by Buddy outside 50m
Even better one by Buddy a minute later!!
57-35 half time
Okay so that’s an advance on the app score, but my calculation of game time suggested there was still a lag between text time and the actual time. Another staccato burst from my phone and the follow-up texts came through.
Ellis subbed out for Simpkin
Gibbo fell on his head & Shiels off the ground
Lions coming back!
I sensed the panic in her texting thumb.
By this stage I’d picked up the car and the commentators on the radio were talking in reassuring tones about Hawthorn turning it on in a quick burst. Judging by the relaxed chatting of the commentary team, it was evidently three quarter time in real time and whatever our cause for alarm, it had clearly diminished.
When they eventually gave the score of 15.15 to 7.7, I was able to relax with only a momentary thought that the Lions had come back from a similar position the previous week to win. But surely not again.
And so it proved. I listened to the final quarter time as Chan-Tha’s texts continued to pipe through:
Savage goal
Buddy lining up for goal
Got it!
Savage 3 goals!
Another happy win – our twelfth in succession to equal a club record from 1961. And only arch nemesis Geelong standing in the way of setting a new record next week. No problem then.
The good news coming out of the match is that Gibson is okay. His heavy fall looked horrific, but happily there are no scars...his looks remain intact. With Buddy potentially leaving, we need Gibbo more than ever to model our hawk couture in the Hawks Nest catalogue.
Final scores: Hawthorn 21 17 143 d Brisbane 12 13 85
What we learned: That the AFL hasn't learned. The lesson of Football Park in Adelaide and VFL Park in Melbourne is that stadiums need to be built near public transport. If you want people to be able to get to them that is. So as good as Mtricon stadium is, it's in the middle of nowhere and virtually impossible to get to.
What we already knew: Jobe Watson admits to taking a banned performance enhancing drug. The surprising thing is that he still played the following Friday. In what other sport can you admit to taking a banned drug and still compete? Even the World Cycling Federation don't let cyclists do that.
Our favourite footy quote last week comes from Herald-Sun journo Mark 'Robbo' Robinson, who wrote on Wednesday regarding Jobe Watson’s admission that he took a banned, performance enhancing substance: "He is not a drug cheat, but he could be found guilty of drug cheating."
Now I don’t pretend to be an expert in the legal nuances surrounding this issue, but you could argue that the very definition of a drug cheat is someone who has been 'found guilty of drug cheating'. Or to put it more simply, Robbo, "ipso facto."
The consensus among football reporters is that Jobe shouldn’t be stripped of his Brownlow medal because he’s a 'top bloke'. Were he not a 'top bloke', of course, it would presumably be different. One wonders what Ben Cousins makes of it all: banned for a year for bringing the game into disrepute, largely because he could go on a bender and still front up and pick up 40+ disposals. There's as much to admire there as condemn.
And Lance Armstrong was widely admired for his charity work before his admission. It's possible to be a drug cheat and a top bloke.
The question is not should he be stripped of his Brownlow, but what sort of public ceremony should accompany it. I favour Brownlow night this year. Rather than Jobe present the 2013 winner with the medal, as is the custom, invite Cotchin and Mitchell to the stage to tear it from his neck.
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