Arise, Sir Cyril
Etihad Stadium, Friday 28 March 2014
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Of course I imagine that both players would refuse such an irrelevant, outdated honour, particularly in light of the other piece of retrograde legislation the Attorney General, Senator George Brandis, is trying to introduce – the watering down of section 18C of the vilification laws to virtually sanction race hate speech, but sometimes it’s just nice to asked.
Josh Gibson played a great game too, his 150th in fact, but he already has a Peter Crimmins medal and a premiership medal, and both carry far greater prestige than a knighthood from Tony Abbott.
I was watching the match at home with my family. Angela and our youngest son Declan had gone to bed, but knowing the scores were close both had got back up because they knew Oscar and I would be making a racket in the dying minutes – of either the exulted or excruciating variety – and that sleep would be impossible.
Their instinct was right. With just over a minute to go, Isaac Smith soccered the ball forward twice to clear packs, and when Luke Breust got it over to Bradley Hill, I rose from my seat shouting “Come on come on”, then as Hill measured a handball to Rioli, Oscar also rose, and by the time Cyril slammed home the winning goal we were all up and screaming the name Cyyrrrilll! – waking up anyone within a 5km radius. And given we live in Essendon, that made it even more satisfying.
Conscious Uncoupling
The match was billed as a blockbuster, so again you might question why it wasn’t played at the MCG. This is the third year in succession that Hawthorn has played Essendon at Etihad Stadium, and yet the AFL is voicing concerns about crowd numbers. Go figure.
Well I didn’t go to this match precisely because it was at Etihad Stadium. Getting tickets to Essendon home games is virtually impossible, plus if you do happen to get in, you then have to listen to Essendon’s feral fans all night (as opposed to the cultured sophisticates that barrack for Hawthorn). Again, this match was billed as ’sold out’ despite the numerous empty seats visible on the television coverage. It may sound old fashioned, but my advice to the good people at the AFL and Etihad is to put the tickets on sale, and they might actually get sold.
The build-up to the match was dominated by all-to-predictable references to past clashes from the 80s and onwards – the 85 Grand Final brawl, Brereton-Duckworth, the line in the sand brawl, Lloyd-Sewell etc – I paraphrase because it’s exactly the same every year. In the same way that obituaries of noteworthy people are pre-recorded and ready to go at the drop of the hat, or a kick of the bucket, there are ready made introductions to Hawthorn-Essendon games that feature exactly the same footage every year. Commentators relay this history as if we’ve never heard it before. Just as the news on Boxing Day evening is always a variation on the same theme – the MCG Test match, the Sydney to Hobart yacht race, so too previews of Hawthorn-Essendon games.
This year, however, there was an added element – the ‘no Buddy’ factor. Buddy Franklin kicked 8 goals last time Hawthorn played Essendon. This was in addition to two previous bags of 9 against them, plus the two famous running goals at the MCG in 2010. So this year commentators were suggesting that with no Buddy, this was a new landscape for a Hawthorn-Essendon game, with the underlying suggestion that in the absence of Hawthorn’s usual match-winner in this fixture, Essendon might have a chance.
During the week actress Gwyneth Paltrow made news when she announced that she was separating from husband, Chris Martin, lead singer of soft-rock outfit, Coldplay. The split wasn’t news so much as the phrase she used to describe it – “conscious uncoupling” – instead of “divorce”, “separation” or “musical differences” and as opposed to “unconscious coupling” such as might occur after a work Christmas party.
As has been well documented, Buddy Franklin left Hawthorn for Sydney at the end of 2013, in what might also be called a “conscious uncoupling.” Most Hawks fans have gotten over it, even his most ardent admirers like me, so the constant reiterating of his departure and what effect it might have has just become tiresome, and we’re only two games into the season. You can only imagine how tedious this will become in the build-up to the Hawthorn-Sydney game in Round 8.
Half truth
Truth be told, I felt a certain foreboding about this game, a presentiment that was only heightened when news came through that Sam Mitchell was ruled out injured. This was far worse than the fact that Franklin wasn’t playing, if only because Mitchell at least is a Hawthorn player. Already missing key tall defenders Brian Lake and Ben Stratton, as well as midfielder Brad Sewell, this was unwelcome news indeed. It could only get worse if Luke Hodge were to become injured…
On the other hand, Cyril Rioli was back for his first game of the season, and where there’s Cyril, there’s hope.
Essendon started the game well, maintaining possession and looking dangerous. But half-way through the quarter Hawthorn had the only three goals of the match, through Luke Breust, Bradley Hill and Jarryd Roughead, whose shot was an audacious roost over his head while facing away from goal. All was looking well – even if it was in the wrong direction.
Even when Essendon’s peppering of the goals finally yielded a major, Hawthorn responded with a goal to Gunston, and despite the play being fairly even, Hawthorn held a handsome 14 point lead.
The second quarter followed a similar pattern; the play was more or less even but Hawthorn was more precise across the field and more accurate in front of goal. We kicked five goals to two, including a couple of beauties from the long, accurate left boot of Matthew Suckling.
By half-time the lead was 32 points and I was composing cocky text messages to send to Bombers fans.
Our outsized and relatively inexperienced defenders Taylor Duryea and Kyle Cheney were competing strongly against their taller opponents, as was debutant Angus Litherland, and with Gibson, Hodge and Birchall playing their usual strong games, there didn’t appear to be too much to worry about.
Cloak app
There’s a new anti-social app growing in popularity called ‘Cloak’ that reads data from the devices of people in your contacts list and displays it so that you can avoid running into them. Perfect for evading former lovers, your boss, or indeed anyone you know should you happen to be out with someone other than your partner.
Perfect also for avoiding your team mates, as it seemed that every Hawthorn player had downloaded the app at half-time, despite the ruling about no mobile phones in the rooms. I don’t know if it was the Cloak app or something else, but in the third quarter handballs missed targets, kicks went to no one in particular, or worse, to Essendon players and our defenders were nowhere near their Essendon opponents. Soon after Hodge was penalised for deliberate out of bounds, from which Essendon goaled, he limped off injured and was subbed out of the game.
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A six goal to zero third quarter and all of a sudden we were behind at the final break. We simply weren’t able to get hold of the ball. My pre-match premonition seemed to be playing out and I was glad I was at home and not cowering somewhere on Level 3 at Etihad.
Watching from Japan, my friend Chan-Tha emailed a simple “WTF!”
The way it was going I was going to need to download the Cloak app so I could elude Essendon fans for a few weeks.
The Burgoyne is better
When Jackson Merrett kicked the opening goal of the final quarter for Essendon, the outlook grew even gloomier. Of our forward line, Roughead and Gunston were being well held, Tim O’Brien was unsighted and while Breust and Rioli were trying hard, we just weren’t creating opportunities for them.
Hawthorn was suffering through an uncharacteristic goal drought that had begun in the second quarter and didn’t look like breaking any time soon, until a classic piece of play in the 15th minute by the Poo, Paul Puopolo, got the first trickle flowing.
In a classic goal for goal denouement, Patrick Ambrose responded for Essendon, followed by Simpkin for Hawthorn, after some brilliant work by Burgoyne – gathering the ball in the pocket, he turned and was running along the goal line by the behind post, but instead of attempting an unlikely snap, he squared the ball to Simpkin who was 20 metres out directly in front.
The next goal was kicked by Paul Chapman to put Essendon 10 points ahead with only three minutes to go. Last year when there was talk that Chapman would leave Geelong, I advocated that Hawthorn should recruit him, not necessarily for him to play, just to prevent him from playing against us! Feeling vindicated didn’t make me feel any better after he had kicked what appeared to be the sealer.
Hawthorn’s response came immediately – Burgoyne sharked the tap and kicked long where Breust trapped it and snapped a goal on his left. It took just 10 seconds from Chapman’s goal and we were back within a goal. Then with just over a minute to go Essendon’s David Myers (wearing no. 23 it should be noted) kicked on the full. From the free kick Hawthorn moved the ball quickly and Smith, Breust and Hill combined to get it to Cyril for the match winner.
Burgoyne won the ball again from the next bounce and kicked long to Rioli who measured a pass to Hill. Hill missed, but in Essendon’s scramble to get the ball forward, Roughead was alone at half back to take the mark and end the match.
There really is no better way to win a game of football than a goal with a minute or so to go. And kicking it into the Hawthorn fans end of the stadium provided a glorious backdrop of brown and gold mayhem for the celebratory group hug.
Final scores: Hawthorn 13. 12. 90 d Essendon 12. 14. 86
Attendance: 44,163
Ladder position: 5th
What we learned: The magic number 23 was again pivotal to Hawthorn’s win. This time it was Essendon’s David Myers’ hurried kick out of a pack that gave Hawthorn possession in the crucial final minute.
According to the statistics, our own number 23, Tim O’Brien, had four touches, although I must have missed them. The only touch I saw him get was when he signed a souvenir football at the end for one of the kids ringing the boundary. Still, Clarko and the selectors know what they’re doing and our number 23 is coming along nicely. Remember, Dermie was a redhead before he went blond, so the potential is there.
What we already knew: A little bit of Rough can sometimes be enough. Jarryd Roughead wasn’t a major influence on the match, yet anyone watching the highlights package might think that he dominated the game. At times you needed radar technology and satellite data to prove that he was even out there, but when they run the highlights reel, you’ll see his over the head goal in the first quarter, his big leap and one handed pluck in the second quarter and his match saving mark at the end of the match. So he kicked goal of the night, took the mark of the night and saved the game.
Kim Jong-heppell: It’s been reported that North Korean leader, Kim Jong-un, has decreed that all male university students must adopt the same haircut that he sports – a short back and sides with an 80s fop, or what resembles a small marsupial on top. This seems somewhat extreme, but the male university students don’t seem to mind. After all, it would be worse if Dyson Heppell became the supreme leader of North Korea.
What do you mean I need to grow up?: Is this immature – on Saturday morning I had occasion to drive past Windy Hill and as I did so, I opened the window and yelled out “Cyrriill!” There was nobody around but it still felt good.
