Friday 26 July, Etihad Stadium
Now is the winter of our content
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| Richard the tHird - denies all allegations |
Throughout the week I saw replays of the all-in brawl of the 1985 Grand Final, the ‘line in the sand’ game of 2004, Matthew Lloyd ironing out Brad Sewell in 2009, Brereton kissing Billy Duckworth and running though the Essendon huddle at Waverley and Brereton‘s hip and shoulder on Van Der Haar in the 1989 second semi. Sadly there’s no vision of Colin Robertson taking out Timmy (as he was then known) Watson in the 1983 Grand Final, as most Hawks fans would have enjoyed watching that over and over – particularly after Timmy used his spot as Channel 7 Sports anchor this week to lead the cheering for Cyril to be investigated over an innocuous tackle the previous week. Timmy used his profile and media space to try and have Cyril suspended the week before he was due to play Essendon - and yet it’s Essendon who seem to be whingeing about the media this year.
Rather than focus on past brawls between the two teams, it would be more appropriate this year to show footage of an Essendon board meeting, where they seem to be going at each other with all the ferocity of Brereton and Duckworth. Watching Essendon unravel and tear each other apart over the ongoing drugs saga is one of the more enjoyable aspects of an otherwise uneventful season - the cause of much content.
In casting about for parallels of this saga, I’m reminded most of Shakespeare’s Richard III, which opens with Richard saying, “Now is the winter of our discontent…” a phrase which you suspect might have popped up this year at an Essendon board meeting.
In the course of the play, Richard uses a mix of evil and Machiavellian cunning firstly to take the throne and then to keep it. He dispatches those who stand in his way, double-crosses those he employs to do his dirty work and disposes of those who pose an ongoing threat…hmmm, remind you of anyone…? Richard the tHird perhaps?
A quick overview of Richard’s victims during the play include King Henry VI (stabbed), Edward, elder Prince of Wales (stabbed), George, Duke of Clarence (assassinated by hitmen hired by Richard), the two hitmen themselves (disappear, presumed murdered), King Edward IV (dies of broken heart over Richard’s machinations), the two baby princes (smothered to death in the Tower), Hastings (beheaded), Buckingham, River, Gray and Vaughan (executed) and George Stanley (assassinated). Substitute these names for Matthew Knights, Dean Robinson, Steven Dank, Paul Hamilton, Ian Robson, Elizabeth Lukin and David Evans, and suddenly the body count at Windy Hill begins to resemble Richard’s own at court.
Meanwhile, Hird acts all innocent, but as Richard reveals:
“And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With odd old ends stol'n out of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.”
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| Richard III as he is today - those anti-obesity drugs have really kicked in. |
As Richard also observes:
“Conscience is but a word that cowards use,
Devis'd at first to keep the strong in awe:
Our strong arms be our conscience, swords our law.
March on, join bravely, let us to't pell-mell;
If not to heaven, then hand in hand to hell.”
And then, finally, once banished to the bottom of the ladder, or 'hell' as Richard terms it, Essendon's winter of discontent will become glorious summer for the sons of Hawks.
You’ll never walk alone with Liverpool…but you can forget about sitting together at Etihad
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| Here's what a crowd looks like when you let them in |
Well barely half that as it happens, but this doesn’t reflect a code defection or lack of interest on the part of Melbourne’s footy public, rather the decision to play this game at Etihad Stadium, a venue that only holds 53,359 and then doesn’t make all of those seats available.
A week before the match we couldn’t get tickets through any of the ticketing categories to which we were eligible: MCC members in Axcess One – no availability, Hawthorn members – only single seats, or even general public – no availability. We tried online and by phone and were told by the ticketing agency that there were no seats available. Despite this, when watching the telecast, there were plenty of empty seats at the ground and a crowd of 49,905, which by my calculations means there were in fact 4,454 seats available. I only wanted three.
When the AFL talks about protecting the code from the threat posed by soccer and rugby, they might want to look at how they schedule games and how tickets are sold (or not as it happens) for Etihad. Just putting it out there.
In: Franklin, Mitchell
As a result of not being able to secure tickets, we congregated at the newly reopened Duke of Wellington Hotel on the corner of Flinders and Russell streets.
The Duke of Wellington is named after the brave and honourable English General who defeated the evil and deceitful Napolean – so the parallels were obvious and we went with the confidence that Essendon would face their Waterloo on the night.
One reason for confidence was revealed at team selection – Out: Cheney, Langford. In: Franklin, Mitchell. Not to be unfair to Cheney or Langford, but rarely has there been a more definitive or contrasting out/in combo . Cheney, who can’t kick a goal from 10 metres, compared to Franklin, a two-time Coleman medallist who kicked 100 in a season; and Langford, who has played one game for 4 possessions, compared to Mitchell who has played 236 games and averages around 30 possessions a match – that’s about an 8 goal improvement on the previous week’s side alone, before they even take the field. In political terms it’s a bit like replacing Howard and Abbott for Mandela and Gandhi.
There were early setbacks, and I’m not referring to Essendon’s two early goals, but the price of the drinks. A 330ml stubby of Hawthorn Pilsner (what else would you drink on this night?) cost $12 at the Duke. That’s fine if you’re on Buddy’s reputed salary, but for those of us on a more modest contract, this is ridiculous. It’s brewed about 5 km up the road so it’s not as if there’s excessive transport costs involved. On a dollar per ml matrix, that possibly comes in as more expensive than Veuve Cliquot.
Having said that, it was nice to clink a ‘Hawthorn’ when Lewis answered with nice snap to kick our first. I haven’t checked the stats, but I have a gut feeling we win when Lewis kicks our first.
And we probably also usually win when Buddy snags 3 in the opening quarter. After his first, Carlisle elbowed him from behind to take him down, and yet seemed a little put out when Buddy retaliated. Roughing him up a bit can put him off his game sometimes, but you have to be tougher and better than Carlisle.
No. 38 Kommor was also trying to sling people around when they didn’t have the ball – in the first quarter it was Guerra and in the second Hodge. In the third quarter he slung Smith into the fence, and then tried to punch on with Whitecross, while in the final quarter he tried it on with Duryea. He was acting very tough for a running player who had 3, count them, 3 kicks for the match – and one of them was penalised for ‘deliberate out of bounds’. In years past you might suggest he was on the angry pills, but of course such a suggestion comes a bit loaded at Essendon these days - after all, it might be right! But as the old saying goes – was it Shakespeare or Confucius? – “he who wants to throw his weight around shouldn’t take anti-obesity drugs”, banned or otherwise.
After trailing 4 goals to 2 half way through the first term, the Hawks kicked the next 4 in the first quarter and 8 of the next 9 by half time, giving them an unassailable 32 point lead. And it was unassailable because they were playing with utter ruthlessness. There was no way Essendon was going to get back in it.
Essendon’s only goal in this period was the first of the second quarter to Hurley, and even then he was the beneficiary of a lucky bounce after a Hawthorn smother. At that point there were 9.30 mins left to run in the second quarter and the Hawks led by just 10 points. Just over three minutes later, with 6.02 mins left to run, the Hawks had added 4 and led by 31 points.
Firstly Cyril got it from Breust in the centre and he ran and goaled from 60. Then Rough won a tough one-on-one and grubbered one through. A minute later The Poo passed to Buddy who wheeled around, avoided two tacklers and slotted it from 50. The Poo got his own a minute later after a period of intense Hawthorn play to maintain possession.
The third quarter continued in a similar vein with Hawthorn dominating after Essendon started well. Goals to Lewis and the Poo were followed by one to Hale after a relayed free kick when Roughead went down. The Rough was shepherding and got elbowed in the head, but despite him being the one who was hit, Essendon fans booed him for the rest of the match. Go figure.
The match was over as a contest by this stage, particularly after Hodge intercepted a handball at half back, passed to Hale, Smith, back to Hodge, over to The Poo who put it in Buddy’s grasp, from which he went back to slot his sixth.
Buddy added three more in the final quarter for a total of 8, and Breust 2, taking the margin up to 10 goals and adding another happy chapter to Buddy's domination of Essendon.
This was an impressive performance by the Hawks – our most complete since we played Sydney. We played with confidence and daring and maintained precision and pressure for the entire match. It’s just a shame there weren’t more people there to see it.
Final scores: Hawthorn 22 11 143 d Essendon 13 9 87
What we learned: That Essendon fans are either delusional or their grasp of right and wrong is the reverse of reality. They boo Roughead after an Essendon player elbows him in the head and knocks him out, just as they cheer on Hird as each new damning piece of evidence comes in against him to bring further discredit to their team. But to try and understand how the collective minds of Essendon fans work is not something you would undertake with any hope of success. You may as well ask why is there evil? Who made the Nazis?
What we already knew: That Buddy relishes demoralising Essendon as much as any Hawk fan - 8 goals in this match, two previous bags of nine, plus the two famous running goals at the MCG in 2010.
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| The author and Chan-Tha revel in our triumph over Essendon |
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