Round 3 - Hawthorn v Fremantle

Hawthorn's Covenant

Round 3
Hawthorn v Fremantle
MCG, Friday 4 April 2014

The Great Freo Flood

Fremantle's defence takes position

In the trailer for the blockbuster movie epic, Noah, Russell Crowe intones in his deep sonorous voice that, “A great flood is coming”.  He might have been referring to Ross Lyon and Fremantle’s game plan as much as some form of divine retribution for earthly sins. For Fremantle’s much vaunted defence had been to the fore in its opening two games against Collingwood and Gold Coast, conceding only five goals in each.

But if Fremantle brought the flood, then Hawthorn brought their boards and simply surfed through the swell with its goofy footers hanging ten, gnarling, or whatever terms are current in surfie culture for easy command of the water. Freo meanwhile, was reduced to waxing our boards and procuring Chiko rolls for the Hawthorn skegs, such was our superiority. They were simply our skeg molls.

Mad Calf 

The scourge of Hawthorn

This is the second year in succession the Hawks have played a Grand Final rematch, and whereas last year against Sydney we had something to prove, this year, all of that angst and pressure was on Fremantle.

In the lead up to the match, some of the inevitable comparisons to the Grand Final dissipated due the large number of team changes on both sides. Hawthorn was missing seven players from the Grand Final side – essentially a third of the team – either through retirement, defection, suspension or injury. For this match Luke Hodge, Brad Sewell, Ben Stratton and Brian Lake were still out plus there was news before the bounce that Ben McEvoy was a late withdrawal with a calf complaint.

Calf soreness was said to also be hampering Brian Lake, and it had also kept Mitchell out of the previous game against Essendon. I was beginning to wonder why this plague had struck. Is there some sort of degenerative and contagious calf complaint sweeping through the club? Mad Calf disease perhaps?

Fremantle was also missing important players, Michael Barlow through injury, and Zac Dawson and Nat Fyfe through suspension. Fyfe’s suspension for a head clash with Gold Coast player Michael Rischetelli became the talking point and something of a controversy. Fyfe had bumped instead of tackled and had accidentally clashed heads with Rischetelli. As we know if you bump and make contact with the head, it’s an automatic suspension. It’s not a new rule – it’s no different to North’s Jack Ziebell last year or Buddy’s bump on Ben Cousins a few years ago. The only difference this time is that a number of media commentators clearly had money on Fyfe for the Brownlow and were miffed that they’d blown it.

It was no surprise that Dennis Cometti’s opening salvo on Channel 7’s telecast was a tirade against this rule and Fyfe’s suspension. I don’t recall him lambasting the AFL in this way over any other incident or rule, but dare remove one of the best players from a WA team and you’ll be subjected to the wrath of Dennis.

Personally, I agreed, but I also wasn’t too disappointed that Fyfe wasn’t playing.

Not only were there a number of personnel changes on the ground, but there were also some unexpected people lining up in the stands. Unusually, I was joined by my whole family. My eldest son Oscar was with me as normal, but making a surprise guest appearance was youngest son Declan, and even more bizarrely, my wife Angela. I think this was her first game since the 2008 Preliminary Final. We arrived just before the bounce, so I hadn’t heard the team news to this point, but her presence at the ground was still a bigger surprise than Jonathan Ceglar, who was in to replace McEvoy.

Like Noah before the flood, I was keeping my family together.

The Pantheon of Perfection

- Les Demoiselles d’Avignon by Picasso
- The Boatman’s Call by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
- The Beckett Trilogy
- Scarlett Johanssen’s face
- Rodin’s The Kiss
- The 2008 Grand Final
- Withnail and I
- Usain Bolt over 100 metres
- Leonard Cohen in concert
- Antony Sher’s Richard III

As beautiful as Hawthorn

This is a list of things I consider to be impeccable - my personal pantheon of perfection if you like. And you can now add to this list Hawthorn’s first half display against Fremantle on Friday night.

It was as flawless a display as you’re likely to get in a game involving 36 combatants, one of which is Kyle Cheney, a vast playing surface and a ball with an unpredictable bounce – and even that was going our way.

Hawthorn players gathered the ball cleanly in the open or in congested contests, backed-up their team mates, ran to space to present as options for the ball-carrier, and excelled in spoling, shepherding, precision passing, tap-ons and polished finishing. If you’d asked them to bring harmony to the Ukraine or reverse the effects of climate change they might just have been able to do it. It was a complete team performance; no better exemplified than our sixth goal just 16 minutes into the match and before the Dockers had even scored.

The Dockers took the ball forward where Hayden Ballantyne kicked to Ryan Crowley in the pocket. Crowley kicked inboard to Stephen Hill only for Spangher to spoil, Shiels gathered, handballed back to a running Spangher who kicked towards the wing where Rioli tapped it to Puopolo, who tapped back to a sprinting Rioli, now metres in the clear, who passed it to Breust, who executed a neat sidestep of Michael Johnson and popped it through. Sixteen minutes in and the score was 37-0.

The quarter had opened with Cyril taking the ball cleanly off a pack and scooting away to kick accurately. Then Roughead passed to Hale who marked and goaled, adding a nice touch to his 200th game. Next Roughead burrowed into a pack, collecting the ball on his way through, and kicked around the corner, with the ball turning so sharply on the bounce that it tumbled through for a goal. The Poo slammed through another goal after taking the ball from a stoppage, and then Birchall got one of his long, high, left footers to curl through.

Hawthorn’s ball movement was so deft and fluid it could have been choreographed by Graeme Murphy. Even the act of describing it in words is to reduce it, even sully it.

Fremantle did eventually score a goal in the first quarter – but only after an act of sympathy from the umpire who paid Matthew Pavlich a mark in the goal square that at least three other players had touched, some of them twice.

So far, so fabulous. I received a text from my friend Jason watching from Birmingham in the UK, commenting on the positive start and asking if it is “Hale-ing” at the G. Indeed it was, although I replied that it is Matt Spangher setting the crowd alight.

Six goals in the first quarter is more than either Collingwood or Gold Coast managed in their respective matches against the Dockers.

And then it all started again. Isaac Smith kicked two goals in the first two minutes of the second quarter, the first after taking a fantastic low slips catch in front of goal – the degree of difficulty heightened significantly by having a Fremantle defender literally grappling him.

The highlight of the second quarter came when Will Langford gathered the ball in the pocket and screwed his kick around his body and it bounced through for his first goal for the Hawks. The occasional Langford goal was always guaranteed to bring Hawks fans to their feet in the 80s, and here we were continuing the tradition with his son. Some things never become boring. At 10 goals to 2, it was officially a rout.

By half-time it was 12.5 to 2.8 and as I sipped my anxiety free Crown lager in the Hugh Trumble Bar at half-time I was mildly surprised we were only 57 points in front.

Fremantle’s two goals had both come from Pavlich, who was playing well, but even he must have been surprised, if not a little insulted, that Kyle Cheney was lining up on him. Significantly shorter in stature and natural talent, Cheney was still playing well, combining with Gibson, Duryea, Birchall and Spangher in defence to repel the occasional Dockers attack. Mitchell, Hill, Smith, Rioli, Lewis, Puopolo, Hale, Gunston, Breust; in fact every Hawthorn player was working hard and playing fast, thrilling football.

In the third quarter, Cyril flew high at the front of a pack to pull down a screamer, landed on the run and dashed around the pack to kick a brilliant goal. This happened right in front of where we were sitting, lending it even greater piquancy. There were more goals, including a two touch soccer goal to Breust, a couple to Gunston and at one point the lead reached 70 points, before the Hawks inevitably began to tire.

The Hawks rested on their laurels in the final quarter; as well they might, and still ran out easy winners by 58 points. We had twelve different goal kickers in the end, and such was the roll call I wouldn’t have been at all surprised had Damian Monkhurst heaved himself off the bench to pop one through.

Angela had been reasonably impressed with the Hawks, if a little bored with the game, but she had thrilled to see Cyril in action. You don’t have to be a football fanatic to recognise the beauty of Cyril in full flight. She seemed mildly surprised, however, when I was watching a recording of the game to hear the commentary team flinging about superlatives.

“Was I witness to something momentous?” she asked naively.

“Yes” I intoned, “nothing less than the dawn of a new type of football.”

"Oh" she said, and went back to her reading.

Noah preserved humanity and the animal kingdom by developing an ambitious sea-faring breeding program. At Hawthorn the work is beginning; we already have Will Langford, son of Chris, on the field, and coming through over the next 20 years or so we have a little Mitchell, Rioli, Hodge, Anderson, Hale, Burgoyne, Lake et al. Perhaps next year’s end of season trip should involve a cruise liner and invite the WAGs.

In the real story of Noah, it is a hawk that plays the key avian role 

Hawthorn 21.11.137  d  Fremantle 11.13.79

Ladder position: 2nd

Attendance: 43,583

Coleman watch: Luke Breust is equal leader with Nick Riewoldt on 10

What we learned: Hawthorn unfurled the 2013 premiership flag at beginning of match (again), and perhaps it’s too early to call it this year, but if the Hawks continue to play like they did on Friday night against the Dockers, then they may as well leave the makeshift flagpole up, because we’ll be coming back to unfurl another one this time next year.

What we already knew: Spanish historians claimed during the week to have located the Holy Grail.  What on earth are they on about, you might ask, for as any Hawks fan could have told them, the Holy Grail is on display at Waverley in Hawthorn’s trophy cabinet.

Hawthorn to Canberra?: I’m not suggesting that the team relocate, but there was news during the week that the ALP is seeking to change its membership rules to increase its current membership level above 44,000. According to hawthornfc.com, Hawthorn’s membership is currently 64,358 – that’s 20,000 more than the ALP and yet they were running the country up until last September. I’m not necessarily advocating a coup, but why stop at premiership domination? Andrew Newbold could be P.M., John Kennedy Snr Governor General, and I’m certain we could find a spot on the front bench, as opposed to the interchange bench, for Dermie and Dunstall.

N.B. Noah's Ark should not be confused with Buddy Franklin's natural arc.