MCG, Sunday 17 June 2012
Hawthorn…Harbingers of Truth
The Big Questions
With the Hawks not scheduled to play until Sunday, I was afforded a nice lie in on Saturday, until that is, I was awoken by an untimely knock on the door. My son answered and I heard an unfamiliar voice that, happily, didn’t insist on waking me, but did indicate it would leave a pamphlet for me to read at my convenience. It was the Jehovah’s Witnesses, or “God botherers” as my Grandma used to call them. I rolled over and went back to sleep and didn’t give them another thought until Monday after our comfortable, even commanding victory over the Lions, when I glanced over the pamphlet they'd left.
“Would You Like to Know the Truth?” is the question it poses in large Times New Roman, and goes on to list “some of the most important questions that humans have ever asked”:
Does God really care about us?
Will war and suffering ever end?
What happens to us when we die?
Is there any hope for the dead?
How can I pray and be heard by God?
How can I find happiness in life?
To which you might also add the even bigger question: “Will Buddy kick the ton this year?”
After a bag of five on the weekend, he’s now on 43 and it’s suddenly looking possible. In reviewing the match the media predictably ran with the “Buddy bags 5 as Hawks win” line, and while he was good, his five goals were more or less incidental to the outcome, with only two of these coming when the match was in dispute. His three goals in the final quarter all had the requisite flair and panache, but will play a bigger part in determining the Coleman medal than they did the outcome of this match.
At the beginning of the season a friend talked up the chance of the double ton for Buddy, by which I assumed he meant 200 goals, which I thought fanciful, even by the inexact standard that applies to pre-season predictions. I see now, however, that he meant 100 goals and 100 behinds. What an achievement that would be! He’s now on 43.45 and starting to find more of the ball, so it looms as a possibility. Has it ever been done? I’m not sure, but not since his 113.88 in 2008 or Peter Sumich’s 94.78 in 1991 has this feat seemed so likely.
While on Buddy’s goals, another friend recently considered what size haul of goals actually constitutes a ‘bag’. We settled on 5. Less than that can’t really be called a bag; 4 being more of a backpack’s worth, 3 a valise and 2 a satchel or Crumpler. Above 5, 6 or 7 might perhaps be carry-on and 8-10 a suitcase. In which case is 13 a skip? Either way, he officially had a ‘bag’ on Sunday.
How to tame lions
If you’re like me you have certain preconceived ideas about how particular games will pan out. A game against Collinwood for instance is likely to be close and involve some heated byplay with opposition supporters; a Geelong game, well, we know all too well what to expect in a game against Geelong, and an Essendon game, well that usually ends with charges being laid, but that’s another story.
Facing Brisbane at the G on a cold, wet afternoon, however, is the sort of game you go to hoping the Hawks will establish a nice early ascendency and gradually build a sizeable lead, eventually winning by 8 or 9 goals with perhaps 5 or 6 for Buddy, one from the boundary for Cyril, no injuries, no reports, not much of a queue at the Bullring bar, no anxiety about the result after half-time and sufficient leisure to fantasise about what Jaimee Rogers might look like in a Hawks clash strip.
And while the match more or less turned out that way (except it was The Poo who kicked a fabulous boundary line goal in the first quarter and Jaimee Rogers was replaced in the fantasy by that cute goal umpire with the dimple signalling full points), it was mildly disconcerting in the first quarter when Hawthorn’s numerous attacks all resulted in points while Brisbane’s sporadic and occasional forays forward all ended in goals, and good goals too. Jonathan Brown bagging a couple of early goals is always worrying, even more so than the rain which saw us having to relocate and venture under cover.
Things improved from the second quarter. Even though Hawthorn kicked 4.6 in the second, as they had in the first, and 4.7 in the third quarter, we virtually shut down the Lions completely, allowing them to score just 2.1 over the same period. The game seemed to be played exclusively in Hawthorn’s forward half which at least took Brown out of the game. By three quarter time we’d established a convincing 41 point lead, mainly through the agency of Burgoyne who was not only getting the ball but dispensing it with dash and finesse, even kicking a couple. Savage, Sewell and Suckling were also driving us forward while Gibson held firm down back, helping The Cobbler deal with Big Jonathan Brown and combining with Birchall to bring the ball out of defence.
The final quarter brought more of the same, except that we started to kick straight, adding 7.2, including Buddy’s hat-trick, to Brisbane just 3.2. Brisbane showed energy and endeavour, but simply couldn’t get the ball off Hawthorn’s midfield and half back line. Adcock played well, as did Zorko, who may have a name more suited to an evildoer in a kids cartoon, but kicked 3 goals in an impressive performance.
There’s an extra kick of satisfaction if the Hawks can put on a bit of a surge in the final quarter and slot a few specials to lengthen the lead, so the late goal glut added a warm glow to the trip home on a gloomy winter’s afternoon. The glow of truth perhaps, so to get back to those questions posed by the Jehovah’s Witness pamphlet:
Does God really care about us? Well clearly he/she does, because Buddy wears the brown ‘n gold.
Will war and suffering ever end? Not while Collingwood and Essendon exist.
What happens to us when we die? Hawk fans go to heaven or Glenferrie, while others wallow in a sort of Victoria Park outer.
Is there any hope for the dead? With Buddy and Cyril up forward, there's always hope.
How can I pray and be heard by God? You simply don the ceremonial brown and gold vestments, or scarf, and belt out the club song.
How can I find happiness in life? Listen to Jaimee Rogers read out the goalkickers or watch the third quarter of the 08 Grand Final.
Final scores: Hawthorn 19 21 135 d Brisbane 11 4 70
Buddy goal tally: 5 = total 43
Buddy points tally: 1 = total 45
What we liked - no crowds, no queues, climbing above Essendon on the ladder, even if we have played one more game.
Next week: The Hawks may have a bye but I don't. I'll be taking advantage of the break to post my Handsome Hawthorn team - the best looking players to ever pull on the brown and gold verticals; my Hideous Hawthorn team - the least handsome players to ever don the hooped hoisery; and my anti-ultimate premiership team - a team of players who through luck and timing had the good fortune to play alongside Hudson, Matthews, Brereton, Dunstall, Franklin et al, but who otherwise would not have played in a premiership.
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