Hawthorn…born this way
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| Lady Gaga or Dermie? |
With only a foot bridge separating the MCG, where Hawthorn was taking on Carlton, from Rod Laver Arena, where Lady Gaga was playing the second of five concerts in Melbourne, it was hard to work out from the gathering throng just who was attending which event. Is that a Gaga wig, or is it Dermie? Are those hideous children dressed up as Gaga’s Little Monsters or are they just Carlton fans? And those oiled up glamour boys wearing tight white tops, hot pants and hooped hosiery have got to be drag queens on their way to Gaga – no, it’s Hawthorn in their clash strip.
Either way we were all off to ‘marry the night’ as Gaga would have it and in the case of Hawthorn fans, hopefully consummate it as well. Lady Gaga’s current hit ‘The Edge of Glory’ served as an appropriate soundtrack to this match; certainly its chorus of being “on the edge of glory…hanging on a moment of truth” carried some resonance, as both teams went into the match teetering on their own precipice: Hawthorn on the edge of the top four and Carlton on the edge of an abyss that could see them miss the finals. That’s where the consummation comes in – Hawthorn had a chance to shore up its own position while at the same time consigning Carlton to also-ran status. And I’m not sure which of these possibilities I was most excited about.
It's hard to be overwhelmingly confident when you see the Hawks run out wearing the white jumper with white shorts ensemble, but things began quite well with The Big Rough snapping our opening goal. I liked a banner I saw in the crowd that read ‘Golden Rough’ and instantly craved one - the confectionary that is, not a banner. After The Pooh added a second from a ‘Selwood’ free, things went a little awry with Carlton getting two back and Young running into an open goal twice…and hitting the post both times.
But then things picked up: Carlton weren’t awarded a free they probably should have been and the Hawks took it from defence to attack with Buddy taking a slick handball from The Pooh to kick his first. A series of goals from Gunston (2), Buddy and Roughead gave us seven for the quarter and a comfy four goal lead at the break.
What made it more comfy was the way we’d kicked the goals. On several occasions Hawthorn had sliced through Carlton’s ‘press’ and ended up in possession with three or four players goal side of the nearest Carlton defender. Earlier that morning Italy had defeated Germany 2-1 in the Euro semi-final and while the Carlton-Italy affinity is an old joke in footy (“We know you’re Carlton, because your banners are in Italian” – Italy’s even called 'the Azurri' or the blues), it did look like Carlton were trying to employ an offside trap without realising that there’s no offside in Aussie Rules.
When Gunston slotted his third goal early in the second quarter Hawk fans were able to relax a little, until of course Carlton got one back and then seemed to wrest control of the match a little. Judd was becoming influential, as was Carazzo, and the Hawks were becoming slipshod. A series of fluffed chances ended in a slapstick routine in the forward pocket with The Rough handballing Carlton out of trouble by giving off to a defender instead of sinking his big left sock into it with a shot for goal. It came as a relief then when Lewis strolled into an open goal at the end of the quarter to restore our lead to over four goals.
The second half opened with goals to Buddy and Juddy, and then a succession of Hawks goals including a trademark 50 metre stab from Suckling, one to Hale after a strong mark (they couldn’t reach over his forehead to spoil) and a brace from Breust.
A 10 goal lead at ¾ time meant we could relax and enjoy watching Carlton fans leave – and fair enough too – it was freezing. Why would you stay to watch your team get humbled when you can get home and watch soft porn on SBS, catch Gaga’s encore, or just prepare for the Euro final on Monday morning? And really, the only highlight of the final quarter was Sammy’s left foot snap from the boundary. Buddy’s run down the outer wing was building as a highlight until he appeared to do his hamstring while kicking. Hopefully it isn’t a real injury at all but just a ruse to rest him for the GWS match next week. Though such a strategy puts the 100 goals 100 behinds target in jeopardy. But anything's better than an injury to Buddy.
Overall the Hawks were pretty good while Carlton were pretty ordinary. This was our ninth successive win over Carlton, a statistic which goes some way to supporting Lady Gaga's supposition that "God makes no mistakes." If Hawthorn fans derived just as much pleasure from our victory as we did from knowing that it put a crimp in Carlton’s ambition, then it’s just as Lady Gaga sings in the same song, we were "born this way."
Final scores: Hawthorn 18 12 120 d Carlton 10 10 70
Buddy goals tally: 4 = total, 47
Buddy behinds tally: 3 = total, 48
What we liked: Crucially, Buddy's hair was looking good, with a dinky little Superman curl at the front. A photo in the Herald-Sun on Friday morning had raised fears he'd grown a beard and I was concerned what that might do to his kicking - would it affect the right to left drift he put on the ball? Happily he'd shaved and any fears were unfounded.
My poor Blues. Oh the pain.
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