MONF – Museum of Old and New Football
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| Hawk art |
What a weekend for sports lovers: the Wimbledon finals, Moto GP, Formula 1 from Silverstone, one day international cricket between Australia and England, Le Tour de France and of course the big one: Hawthorn v Greater Western Sydney at the MCG.
On the one weekend you have Serena Williams, Roger Federer, Casey Stoner, Valentino Rossi, Mark Webber, Sebastian Vettel, Michael Schumacher, Michael Clarke, Brett Lee, Cadel Evans and Buddy Franklin; all champions, even legends in their respective fields, and all performing within a 24 hour period.
A true sports lover could spend the entire weekend in front of the TV; the only questions being which snacks to get in, how to pace your drinking, when to snatch your sleep, and the big one; will Buddy play?
After going off early in the final quarter the previous week with a tightening of the hamstring, there was much speculation about whether he would play this week, with most pundits believing Hawthorn would rest him for the clash against the Giants. After all, why would you risk a thoroughbred in a mid-week country race meet? Why would Usain Bolt run in a Little Athletics meet? Why would Picasso exhibit in a VCE art show?
Anyway, perfect conditions for a weekend with like-minded sports fanatics and no restrictions on nocturnal viewing; perfect that is except the boys’ weekend I'm attending is in Hobart, not Melbourne, so while Hawthorn are busting their moves at the G, I was going to be stroking my chin at MONA - the Museum of Old and New Art, contemplating post-modernism, deconstructionism, fauvism, forward-flankism and other contemporary art movements. Without a smart phone, I was going to be relying on texts to keep me updated on the latest.
MONA is a relatively new gallery set up just outside Hobart by gambler, adventurer and philanthropist, David Walsh. It is stocked with both ancient artefacts and the latest and weirdest in conceptual art. The meeting of old and new creates a sort of conversation over the ages, a counterpoint between the archaic and the current, antiquated culture and contemporary culture. In some ways it is not unlike a meeting between the experienced Hawks and the new boys on the block, the Giants. The old art – Egyptian mummies in coffins, aboriginal bark painitngs and Sidney Nolan paintings are perpetually interesting; intricate, timeless and beautiful, much like the mighty brown ‘n gold verticals of Hawthorn, whereas the new art, like ‘Cloaca Professional’ – a machine that actually creates and defecates faeces represents the current play of the Giants: slow, ugly, and yes, literally shit.
MONA doesn’t have labels, instead using an iPod like gadget called the ‘O’ which identifies and carries information about the art. Mine didn’t seem to work terribly well, or rather, it worked terribly, hence, I had no idea what I was looking at most of the time. More reliable was my mobile where my Hawk correspondent at the match kept me updated via text message with events at the G.
“Buddy got his 500th goal” read the first, which told me the big boy was fine and out there. (And in answer to my question, no, they didn’t run out to pat him on the back.)
“Lots of goals”
“We’re building up our percentage”
“It’s like watching a practice match. Loving it”
“Buddy just got subbed. 113-22” (panic at my end)
“I think they just wanted to rest him” (reassurance)
“4.1 Buddy. Young kicked a great goal outside 50.”
“140–22, 29 mins Q3”
“Roughy picking up where Buddy left off”
“5.2 for Roughy – these could have been Buddy’s goals!”
“193-31. Roughy kicked a goal after the siren for 6.3.”
“The track suit pants and sub vest doesn’t suit Buddy!”
Such is my match report, limited I concede, but in a way it suits the environment – enlisting text, a relatively new form of communication, to convey information about the age old story of a Hawthorn triumph. MONA is truly astonishing; a playful, fascinating gallery that is always surprising and never dull, except perhaps for the bark paintings displayed like a Sydney Road rug emporium. Despite this, part of me regrets missing out on watching the Hawks romp home against the Giants. I love watching a good old fashioned thumping. Still, the result and perhaps also the MONA Pinot, gave me a nice warm feeling on the ferry ride back to Hobart.
Hawthorn 28 25 193 d GWS 4 7 31
Buddy goal tally – 4 = total, 51
Buddy (corked) behinds tally – 1 = total, 49
What we don’t like: Subsequent news of Buddy’s corked buttock (is that an injury or someone’s perverse sexual fantasy?) and bleeding in his left hamstring that will see him miss up to three weeks. A disaster! There’s a piece at MONA called ‘Artifact’ which is a gigantic human head lying on its side. You look through peep holes and see the nodes and wiring inside the head lit by relentless strobe lights that suggest a brain fizzing out to its erratic end. This perfecly illustrates the thought process of the person who decided Buddy should play against GWS.
What we like: Chad Cornes now has the distinction of being on the receiving end of Hawthorn’s two biggest victories. In 2011 he was in the Port team that Hawthorn defeated by 165 points, and this week he was in the Giants team that lost by 162 points. In his past two visits to the G to play Hawthorn the collective score has been 59 36 380 to 9 9 63.
Also: Happy Birthday Loopy Lu
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